Thinking Out Loud

Monday, January 31, 2005

t minus 56 minutes...

In less than an hour I will be turning 26! Twenty-six...I can't fuckin' believe it. I used to think 26 was hella old and now...well, now I know it is. No actually, I don't feel any older than when I turned 21 many moons ago. It's all good, I'm good, we all good.

Sunday, January 30, 2005

why is the restroom spinning?

Well, as I had planned I got my drink on last night and it was good. I started light enough, with a couple Smirnoff twists. Then I had a couple shots of tequila, some more Smirnoff's and other beer. Lots of it. I had some Hypnotic, some more tequila shots, a couple glasses of wine and some more stuff. I pretty much drank whatever was put in front of me. It was great.

I had spent the better part of the day doing the shopping for the shindig and cleaning up my place. You know making it look presentable. So by the time people showed up I was all ready to get my drink on. And boy did I. I played the cook...did the bbq-ing, made some rice and beans...'cause well that's what you're supposed to have with carne asada. I'm Mexican, I don't know any better. Since I was playing the cook I figured I had to have the requisite drink in hand. Again, I don't know any better. It was good times. Got a chance to hang out with old friends I hadn't kicked it with in a long time as well as my good buds I bullshit with all the time. So of'course there was alot of bullshitin' going on. The night just flew by. No doubt sped right along with each drink I consumed.

I was good till about 11:00 o'clock, then things started to get a little blurry and choppy. I don't remember opening my gifts or reading my bday cards out loud, but apparently I did and I didn't do too good a job at reading. That must've been right before I excused myself to the restroom. I remember walking perfectly straight, then all of a sudden the damn wall just jumps out in front of me. Next thing I know I'm standing over the toilet relieving myself (no, not like that) in a spinning restroom and I'm swaying back and forth, but my aim was still on target so I'm thinking I'm cool. Then all of a sudden I'm bent over and blowing chunks into the sink...yeah the sink, my bad. But I'm standing there yaking and I'm thinking, I should really be throwing up into the toilet, right? The toilet just looked too damned far away, though. Then comes a knock at the door and someone offered to come in and hold my hair back. Here I was thinking I was being sly and quiet with my purging. I remember running the water in the sink in a feeble attempt to wash my dinner and drinks down the drain. I remember openning the restroom door and stumbling accross the hall to my room where the damned wall jumped out in front of me again. Last thing I remember is walking into my room and looking at my bed and I was out. I don't even remember actually getting in bed.

I was awoken at 8:30 am by a friend who had spent the night. I apparently left my bedroom door open and I could hear all the damned noise he was making...little bitch. I heard him running the water in the restroom sink and I remembered, oh no! I thought about getting up and cleaning up my mess, but I just couldn't get out of bed. A little while later my roomie was up and they were bullshitting in the living room. I actually mustered up some strength to get up out of bed, but after my first step I realized I was still drunk and so I just got back into bed and fell asleep. When I eventually woke up a few hours later I walked into the restroom and witnessed my horror from the night before in the sink. My God, that was some nasty shit. I would go into detail, but I'm afraid I'll make myself sick again. I cleaned up my mess as best I could, but the sink is still a little clogged. Afterward I tried to eat some lunch, but as I was enjoying my meal I felt the chunks working their way up again, so I had to spit out what I had in my mouth and run to the restroom, but it was a false alarm. Hangover's suck!

The upside is that there is quite a bit of alcohol left and my birthday isn't until Tuesday. So guess who's goingto be drinking up till then? I just know not to get so drunk my room starts spinning again.

Friday, January 28, 2005

t.g.i.f.f.!

Thank God It's Fuckin' Friday! I have once again discovered the joy of Fridays. Hope everyone has a fuckin' great fantabulous weekend!

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

craving the alcohol

Is it bad that I'm looking forward to getting wasted this weekend? I mean I can usually watch a whole day full of alcoholic commercials on TV and not really crave a drink, but lately every alcohol commercial brings a longing to get trashed. Maybe it's because I'm just looking foward to partying this weekend, since I haven't been able to do so 'cause I've been sick. Believe you me I've needed to get trashed for a long time. I just need to let loose and for a few alcohol induced blurred hours forget about all the bullshit. This Saturday I'm having a little get together at my place and I've invited a few friends. Just thinking about it now I'm getting all excited...being surrounded with good company and getting wasted at my place. It's perfect, I can get plastered six ways from Sunday and just stumble to my room afterward. I know I'm probably sounding like an alcoholic right about now, but you just don't understand...I need to get wasted. I need to have a few brain cells fried, I need to briefly forget about shit, and have my only focus be standing up straight. Not that I'm trying to deal with shit by getting wasted, but I just need an alcohol induced brain vacation. Nothing wrong with that, right? If you think there is...I don't wanna hear it. Don't rain on my parade damn it!

Oh, by the way...six more days till I'm a year older and a bit wiser.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

o brother, where art thou?

I have two brothers and three sisters...I'm the youngest. The order is brother 1, sister 1, sister 2, sister 3 (all one year apart, the parents didn't own a TV in Mexico), two year break brother 2, four year break then me. We have always been a close knit family. Never without some drama, but what Mexican family ever really is? I like to think that I have a good relationship with all my siblings, all but one that is. Not to say that it's bad, more like non-existent. See, brother 2 moved to Georgia to be with his wife and children about 3 years ago. I haven't spoken to him since. It's not that we haven't wanted to talk to eachother, it's just that he's been very unstable there so his contact information is always changing. He calls my parents sporadically to check in and let us all know that he's good. We all just take his word for it and hope for the best. See my brother has had a tough life. Tough in that he's made more than his fair share of bad choices in life. You know, teenage gangbanger, multiple stints in the prison system, drugs, booze, and the womens.

He's enjoyed all life has had to offer...sometimes a little too much. But that's something I've always admired in him, the ability to live life to the fullest. Even though more often than not, it has gotten him into trouble. He has lived his life in excitement, good or bad his life has been all about excitement. Let me tell you about this guy. My oldest brother is about ten years older than me, so we've never really had much in common as far as interests go. Brother 2 is only about four years older than me so we got to grow up together...well, sort of. He absolutely hated me growing up. I was his tag-along and of'course he was always too cool to have his kid brother around. So we pretty much fought on a daily basis. Yet, I looked up to him and everywhere he went I had to be too. Plenty summer afternoons were spent trying to keep up with him as well as out of his fist's swing. Neighborhood basketball games, football games, baseball games, I was there with him trying desprately to be on his team. Of'course he always saw to it that I be on the opposing team and I always ended up on the sidelines...hurt. Which is probably why I hate sports today. Yet, there I was at every game, desperately wanting his acceptance. We were the typical kid brothers always fighting.

As a teenager he got caught up in a little gang he and his friends started and he became my parents' worst nightmare. I held that against him for the longest time. I had looked up to him, I had held him up so high and he fell so low so quick that I almost hated him. He was my older brother, he was supposed to look out for me, but he was always gone. Unfortunately, that became the norm for him...always gone. Then for a brief time there, when I began high school we were tight. He would drop me off at school in the morning and sometimes pick me up afterward. He had an '84 oldsmobile with a kick ass sound system that turned heads as we rolled onto campus. Finally, I had gained his acceptance. He gave me sound advice, he had my back, and we kicked it all the time. We would go fishing with his friends or up to the mountains...and always with Bob Marley. I think that's why I love Bob Marley's music so much. It brings back so many great memories with my brother. My brother is a jokester, always the life of the party. Family gatherings haven't been the same since he's been away. He's a pathalogical liar, which can be bad, but it makes for great stories. I remember one time he came home with a busted hand that required a couple stitches. He told a believable story of how he and his friends had gotten into a fight at the park...I mean he described what the other guys were wearing, their facial expressions, the entire argument word for word that led to the scuffle. He had us in awe. Come to find out a couple weeks later from one of his friends that what really happened was that my brother was drunk and in a stupid bid to show off for some girls he smashed his hand through a glass bottle. My brother's story was much more exciting. His stories always are. However, those times didn't last for long. Soon he was back to his old ways. After a few short stints in prison he decided to leave old/bad habits behind and head to Georgia to be with his wife and children, which is where he is now.

I miss that guy so much. I'm at a point in my life where I could use an older brother to chat with, relate to, or seek some advice from. It's not a good feeling to think of a brother as a stranger, but that's what he is to me right now. I want to know him, but I don't know him any more than he knows me. So much has happened in the passed three years since his been gone. You might ask, well what about your oldest brother? Well, with my oldest brother I have to play the older brother part. I'm the one who has to be sitting him down and giving him advice. I just wish I had someone around to do that for me. My sisters are great. They are very supportive and are always there to lend a hand or to hear me out, but it's just not the same. I think I'm going to have to make a trip to Georgia in the near future. Though, to be quite honest I don't even know where in Georgia he is. Well, wherever he is I hope he's well and that he knows I love him very much.

Monday, January 24, 2005

eight days an' counting...

Eight more days till my bday. Four more days till I start the partying...hell yeah biatches!!!

Sunday, January 23, 2005

nine days an' countin...

In nine days I'll be one more step closer to the top of that hill. I'm turning 26...26, on the first! Am I scared...no. Bring 'em on! I can only get better with age, damn it. Ask me again when I'm crying in a drunken stupour on my birthday. Actually, I plan to start celebrating the Friday before my bday, 'cause this year my bday falls on a Tuesday...lame. But I'm counting down the days.

i'm alive...but just barely

For the past week and a half I have been sick as a dog. I can't remember the last time I had been this sick, but it has been hell. I think I came down with the flu, you know body aches from head to toe, high fevers, cold sweats, nasty cough, headaches, loss of apettite...the whole shabam. To top it off I started my new job on Tuesday. The stress of starting a new job only made my flu symptoms worse. Tuesday and Wednesday were the worse of it. There were a couple times I seriously thought I would pass out, blow chunks, or both. I thought, fuck, I can't call off sick already, I just started. So I trudded along all the while sweating bullets. My lunch breaks all week consisted of me running home, drinking a glass of O.J. and sleeping for about 40 mins. Then right after work I would just rush home and go to sleep or just lay around in a flu/cough medicine and tylenol induced daze. Not pretty. No, not at all. However, I'm feeling better now. I have beaten the body aches, fever, headaches, and have somewhat regained my appettite, but this damned cough is still lingering. At least nowI can concentrate on my job.

Speaking of which, my new job seems like it is going to keep my ass busy. I have two more weeks of training with the current tech, before I'm on my own. So, I'm trying to absorb as much as possible. I can see how this job has the potential to be extremely stessful. Everyone familiar with the current tech keeps on jokingly asking if I'm stressing yet. Which, kind of makes me feel uneasy. The position is very demanding, because I will have to deal with all the faculty and staff. The majority of which are fairly computer illiterate and easily frustrated with technology. It is definetely not a one person job, as I've quickly learned this passed week. I think it is the way things have been run at the college I'm taking over, but it seems like something is always breaking down. I don't think the computers and equipment have been adequately maintained. Which pretty much means I'm fucked, 'cause that is what I'll be inhereting come February 7th, when I officially take over as the lead technology consultant. At least I won't be able to complain that the job is boring, cause fuck I won't have time to be bored. I think I spend a total of about 30 mins. a day at my office. The rest of the time I'm running around campus trying to get to the 20 things that need to get done that day. The offices we support are spread about the campus, luckily I have a golf cart to ride around in...yeah, I'm cool. Well, it came in really handy this past week, when I don't think I would've made it if I had to run around everywhere in my condition.

It seems a bit odd being back on campus as a staff member. I definetly don't look the part. Everyone still thinks I'm a student. Compared to the tech I'll be taking over for, I'm about as green as they come. Some lady the other day said I looked about twelve. Nine days shy of my 26th birthday, I'll take that as a compliment. So, that was my week. Now you're all caught up since I hadn't blogged since Monday. Oh yeah, Friday night I went out to dinner with my friends. That was cool, 'cause we hadn't done that in almost a year. It was good being out too, 'cause I haven't been able to go out since I've been sick. This damned sickness has been cramping my social life, or rather the development of one. So there you have it. For all who care, I'm alive...but just barely.

Monday, January 17, 2005

ma' new job

While attending college I made a living as a hustler at night. Okay...I did computer support on campus. I met alot of people on campus, because I was always out and about at all the different administration offices helping people with their computer problems. One group in particular that we supported was the Provost's office. The ladies there loved me, and really well...how could you not? Seriously though, I never knew I had made such an impression on the people I worked with. I mean for the most part, I always knew what I was doing. I always tried to be pleasant and smile alot. I learned how to keep that smile and be polite, even while people were rude as fuck. Bitch, I'm doing you a favor. Well, a little over a week ago I received a phone call from a lady who works in the Provost's office. The Provost's assistant actually. For those who don't know what a Provost is, it is the Vice-President of the university. So anyway, she called me to check up on me and see if I was working aready. Before leaving that job she had told me she would keep her eyes and ears open for any job opportunities. Well, it turns out she had spoken with the Dean of one of the colleges within the university. The dean was in search of a new Technology Consultant for her college and the Provost's assistant dropped my name and pretty much got the ball rolling. By the time I called that dean she already had all my information in front of her pretty much offered me the position. Apparently, I was highly recommended by the Provost's assistant and the Provost herself. What an honor. My start date is Tuesday and I'm a little nervous. Ma' first real job. At this new position I will be in charge of all the computer support and technological needs of an entire college at the university. I will be at the reigns of it all so it seems a little intimidating, but also full of so many opportunities for growth. Therefore, I'm nervous and excited all at the same time. Wish me luck. I'll keep you posted on how it goes.

Sunday, January 16, 2005

ace the helpful place

Yesterday was my last day at work. I had been working at a friends' hardware store for a couple months. I enjoyed the work, but it was time for me to leave. It was simply a temporary gig for me to help pay the bills. I think what I enjoyed the most was meeting and interacting with all the different people that frequented the store on a daily basis. The store is in a small farming community rich with different characters. Everyday was a new experience. Somedays people were pleasant others they were a fuckin' pain in the ass. Most of the customers at the store were the rich, white or Armenian farmers from around the area. While most were cool most of the time, there were those who didn't care too much to speak to the new Mexican gay. So, they would go in, get their shit, pay and leave without so much as a 'hello'. I learned quickly who those fuckers were and so when I would see 'em wandering around the store hopelessly looking for whatever the fuck they were looking for I just smiled and ignored the bitches. Eventually they would break down and come ask for help, and nine times out of ten what they were looking for was right in front of their face. So it gave me a little pleasure in knowing they must've felt a little stupid. But those were the few, the majority of the people that frequented the store were hella cool.

One character I won't soon forget is grumpy Earl. That fucker was hilarious. Just last week he came to the store looking for some wall spakling to cover up some cracks and holes on his wall. He walked into the store and I mistakenly asked if I could help him. I figured he always ignored me so he wouldn't take me up on my offer. But damn it he did, "Yeah, I need something to cover some cracks on ma' wall! What do you got?!" He yells alot.

"Well, we have some chaulking and some wall joint compound." I told him trying to keep a straight face as I walked him to that section of the store. It's almost impossible to keep a straight face around this old man, 'cause he's just so damned grumpy. He looks like he has a permanent case of "bitter beer face". I proceeded to show him what we had.

"Why is that smaller one so damned expensive?! All your stuff is so damned expensive!"

"Well, we have this other compound that works the same, but is a little cheaper."

"Well, what's the difference between the two?! Why's that one more expensive?!"

I thought, 'Who gives a shit?! It's cheaper, that's what your bitch ass is complaining about so take it!' "Well, this one blah, blah, blah...and this other one blah, blah, blah." Complete bullshit, 'cause fuck I didn't know what the difference was. Hell I just worked there. So I finally sold him on the cheaper one and he was on his way. I was still at the back of the store when he went up to the front to pay. The guy at the counter trying to make small talk asked him what he was working on. "I have some cracks and holes I need to fix!"

"Oh you have a hole on your wall?"

"No...I have a hole in my ass!" Sarcastic little bastard. I was rollin' at the back of the store. I'm gonna miss that old man.

I'm going to miss working at the store, but it was damned time I moved on to bigger and better things. Besides that job wasn't paying me nearly enough. Now, at least I'll have alot more breathing room when it comes to my finances. Oh my new job? That'll be another post.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

God...a hater?

Now, I'm not religious by any accounts, but I was raised Catholic and I don't seem to recall any services talking about how God hates his people. I seem to recall watching a movie not too long ago about how God sent his only son to the earth to be sacrificed for our sins. That doesn't sound like something God would do if He hated his peeps. Now maybe that's just me.

The other morning I was listening to the Howard Stern Show as I do in the morning and on that particular morning they were talking about the tsunami. Howard was talking about a photo he had seen in some media of a Swedish man, who was vacationing in Indonesia when the tsunami hit, holding up a sign that read, My 9 month old baby is missing. On the phone Howard had the creator of Godhatesfags.com, Godhatesamerica.com, and Godhatessweden.com...a very lovely "Christian" lady. Her take on the photo was that of pure joy. Joy, that so many people had died as a result of the tsunami. She went as far as to say that there was not one innocent victim of the tsunamis. Apparently God killed all the adults for being sinners and all the children as punishment for their parents sins. God hated all these people, therefore he killed the over 150,000. Is God really hateful? Upset, disappointed, heck I'd even buy angry. But hateful? This "Christian" lady repeatedly referred to a number of things that God hated, but apparently he really has it in for the "fags", which on the site they even offer a far fetched biblical origin of the word "faggot". You can say this lady is just a nut, but you get to thinking of all those herdlike people who are easily influenced and can easily buy into this ideology and the picture is no longer so isolated. It's a little unsettling to realize how easily and quickly hate can be propagated among the masses.

I don't believe in organized religion, but I do believe in God. Now, is God a hater? I don't believe so.

Monday, January 10, 2005

live.laugh.love

Three essentials to happiness.

the surreal life 4

WTF?! Really, "What the fuck", is all I kept thinking watching the first episode of the new season of The Surreal Life on VH1. After being hooked on last season's Briggette and Flava Flav trainwreck I thought no way can they top this. Boy was I wrong! I mean, Verne Troyer (mini-me) riding around naked on his scooter was just as disturbing to watch as last season's Briggette parading around topless wearing a thong. Then you got "China" or "China Doll", crazy bitch is a dude right? I mean tell me she's a dude. You know "China" from wrestling, she tries to be all girly girl, but only comes off looking like a transvestite. Now, that's some scary shit. She's a singer now too, yeah she has her own band. I can't imagine sitting through one of her performances. I mean she sounds horrible just speaking. Anyway, to round off the cast is Christopher Knight, yeah, "who?", was my initial reaction too. Turns out he's Peter Brady from The Brady Bunch. Then there's Da Brat, you know the rapper. Yeah okay, I vaguely remember her too. Then there is that girl that won the first America's Next Top Model contest. Boy, modeling must not be a lucrative career if you've already turned up on a has-been show. There's also some ex GoGo, from the GoGo's...before my time or atleast I don't remember any of their music. Then finally, there's the "Calvin Klein guy", I had no clue who he was. But according to him, he was the first male supermodel. He's a bit modest I gather. I have to say, though, watching that first episode has certainly peaked my interest. It's really a trainwreck you just can't help but to watch.


 
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