Thinking Out Loud

Monday, February 28, 2005

monday zombie

WTF?! I am sooo tired this morning. I feel like I didn't get any sleep last night. You'd think I would've had a crazy ass weekend with no sleep, but that was sadly not the case. I was good this weekend. Now how the hell am I gonna get through the day. I've only been here 2 hours and I'm ready to go home.

Saturday, February 26, 2005

the angry vagina

For those of you who have never seen The Vagina Monologues, I highly recomend it. Especially for you women out there. I believe I've seen the actual Broadway performance on DVD one time at the video store. As a male, of course I can't relate to alot of the topics discussed in the performance, which is as the title suggests all about vaginas. However, I can appreciate and understand the message it puts out.

I have to say that I was part of only a handful of guys at this thing last night. Which, really didn't surprise me. It was funny picking out the guys that you just know their girls dragged along to this thing. Directly in front of me were seated a black couple. The guy just stuck out like a sore thumb, and not only because most the people at the performance were white. I mean I'm a little dark...okay, I'm alot dark. He stuck out, 'cause he just looked so damned uncomfortable sitting there. He must've been one of those guys that are just too cool to be seen at an event like that. After awhile though, he got into it and was rollin' throughout the "angry vagina" monologue. Then rollin' throughout the professional sex worker monologue and her impersonations of the many different female sex moans. That bit is just fuckin' hilarious, what with the "clit moan", "vagina moan", the "combo clit-vagina moan", the "almost moan", the "african-american moan", the "doggy moan"...on and on and fuckin' hilarious! The performance also has it's poignant moments that make you realize that there is alot of crazy violent shit that women and girls go through in this world.

It was cool to go out on a Friday night and do something different from the usual Movie, Club, Bar thing. I believe being cultured helps you be a better person. Living in Fresno doesn't offer too many opportunities for that, so I tend to jump at any opportunity to attend an event where I'm outside my comfort zone. Vaginas are somewhat outside my comfort zone.

Friday, February 25, 2005

vaginas, vaginas all around...

Throughout the past month the university has been having events promoting the fight against violence on women. It's called VDay (vagina day). I came upon a flyer today on past events and I couldn't help but to chuckle a bit. One event was called "The Big Vagina Party"...oh the images that run through a twisted mind when reading that. Yesterday, apparently they had "The Vagina Games" in the free speech area. Again, the images. Tonight a few friends and I are attending a presentation of the "Vagina Monologues" here on campus. A couple years back they had presented the same play and I must admit that it was really good. I attended that year expecting to see some feminist, male hating play...actually I don't know what I expected to see I'd never heard of the play. But it was hilarious! The thing that cracked me the fuck up the most was seeing the sign language interpretor up on stage signing what the performers were saying. I mean seeing her, this heavy set, kindergarden teacher look-alike, pretending to diddle herself as the performer described her masturbation session was pure comedy. It helped that she was really being animated in her signing. Hilarious! Needless to say I'm looking forward to catching that performance again today.

i took a quiz voluntarily...wow

1) WHAT ARE YOUR RANDOM 10 SONGS?
"Run" - No Doubt
"What You Waiting For" - Gwen Stefani
"My Dream Land" - Third World
"Since You Been Gone" - Kelly Clarkson (yeah...I know)
"Maps" - Yeah Yeah Yeah's
"Best Friend" - Tim McGraw
"Sin Sangre En Las Venas" - Ramon Ayala
"Breakin' The Habit" - Linkin Park
"Sunday Morning" - No Doubt
"Boulevard of Broken Dreams" - Green Day

2) WHAT IS THE TOTAL AMOUNT OF MUSIC ON YOUR COMPUTER
5 GB

3) THE LAST CD YOU BOUGHT?
Ray Charles Soundtrack

4) WRITE DOWN 5 SONGS YOU LISTEN TO A LOT OR MEAN A LOT TO YOU
"Run" - No Doubt
"My Dream Land" - Third World
"Inevitable" - Shakira
"One" - U2
"Hard Times" - Ray Charles
***************************************
1) WHAT IS THE GEEKIEST PART OF YOUR BOOK COLLECTION?
Book collection...what book collection?

2) WHAT DID YOU DO ON VALENTINE'S DAY?
Not a damned thing. Well, besides work.

3) WHAT DID YOU GET ON VALENTINE'S DAY?
Haha...funny.

4) WHAT IS YOUR SECRET GUARNATEED WEEPING MOVIE?
Now if I shared, then it would no longer be a secret.

5) IF YOU COULD HAVE PLASTIC SURGERY, WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE?
Nothing really.

6) DO YOU HAVE A COMPLETELY IRRATIONAL FEAR?
To be alone.

7) WHAT IS THE LITTLE PHYSICAL HABIT THAT GIVES AWAY YOUR INSECURE MOMENTS?
Looking around.

8) DO YOU KNOW ANYONE FAMOUS?
Sure.

9) WHAT DO YOU CARRY WITH YOU AT ALL TIMES?
My cell phone

10) WHAT DO YOU MISS ABOUT BEING A KID?
Being ignorant to the realities of the world.

11) WHAT WAS THE LAST SONG YOU WERE LISTENING TO?
"She Will Be Loved" - Maroon 5

12) HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A PLAY?
Once, when I was a kid.

13) HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?
Once...and it hurt like a bitch.

14) DO YOU LIKE YOURSELF AND BELIEVE IN YOURSELF?
I love myself! And I believe in myself, except for the occasional bout of self doubt.

15) DO TRANSIENT, HOMELESS, OR STARVING PEOPLE SOMETIMES ANNOY YOU?
Yeah, sometimes. "I don't need to know your life story, just tell me how much money you want."

16) WHICH MUSICAL INSTRUMENT DO YOU WISH YOU COULD PLAY?
Guitar. Will be picking one up soon.

17) FAVORITE FABRIC?
Cotton...hell, I don't know never really thought of it.

18) WHAT'S ONE LANGUAGE YOU WANT TO LEARN?
French.

19) WHAT DO YOU ORDER AT A BAR?
Rum and Coke, Jack and Coke, Sam Adams, Bud Light...depends on the mood.

20) HAVE YOU EVER PIERCED YOUR BODY PARTS?
Yes.

21) DO YOU HAVE TATTOOS?
No, they're too permanent for me.

22) DO YOU DRIVE A STICK?
Oh yeah, baby.

23) FAVORITE TRAIT OF THE OPPOSITE SEX
Umm...well, gotta say eyes, lips, ass.

24) MOST FRIVOLOUS PURCHASE?
...tough one....

25) WHAT ARE YOU BEST AT COOKING?
Meat.

26) WOULD YOU EVER GO OUT DRESSSED LIKE THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Probably not...that would be scary.

27) WHAT'S ONE CAR YOU WILL NEVER BUY.
Honda Element

28) WHAT KIND OF BOOKS DO YOU LIKE TO READ?
Suspense Thrillers

29) IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
Pay off debt, for myself and family members and friends. Move away!

30) DO YOU CRY IN FRONT OF YOUR FRIENDS?
No...besides I'm not a crier. Wish I were, it would be alot easier to relieve some feelings

31) WHAT'S ONE THING YOU LIKE TO DO ALONE?
Drive.

32) ARE YOU A GIVER OR A TAKER?
Lol...um...a little of both.

33) WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
Last year sometime...

34) HOW MANY DRINKS BEFORE YOU'RE TIPSY/SLEEPY?
Tipsy...I'd say about 6.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

i could've swore I had nails this morning...

Stress and bad habits are a bad combo. I try my hardest to not bite my nails and I'm usually really good about it. Actually, I had kicked that habit for a long time. Today however...they're all gone, all of 'em bitches. It's been a non-stop shit pile all damn day today. And it's not Friday yet!!!! I'm taking a little breather right now, 'cause I haven't had lunch, my head is pounding (probably 'cause I haven't eaten), and I'm a little irratable (also probably 'cause I haven't eaten). I swear if I get one more work request before I finish what I have to do...nigga is gonna cut somebody!

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

it never rains in southern california...

Remember that song back in the day? The hell it never rains in southern Cali.

counting sheep

Damn it! For over a week now I haven't been able to get a good night's sleep. Well, except for those couple times that I've been out and have gotten drunk off my ass. Then I slept like a baby. But damn it, I wake up like 10 times throughout the night and I end up starting my day feeling even more tired than when I went to bed. I need to get me some comfortable mattresses, I think that might be part of the problem. I'd like to wake up one morning and actually feel refreshed. Maybe I just need to have some wild, crazy, uninhibited kinda sex to lay my ass out for the night. 'Cause counting these damn sheep all night sure aint doing the trick.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

ordinary people

True, I'm in love with you
But this ain't the honeymoon
We're past the infatuation phase
We're right in the thick of love
At times we get sick of love
It seems like we argue every day

I know I misbehaved
And you made your mistakes
And we've both still got room left to grow
And though love sometimes hurts
I still put you first
And we'll make this thing work
But I think we should take it slow

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cause we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow

Take it slow, oh oh, this time we'll take it slow
Take it slow, oh oh, this time we'll take it slow

This ain't a movie, no
No fairytale conclusion y'all
It gets more confusing every day
Sometimes it's Heaven sent
Then we head back for Hell again
We kiss, then we make up on the way

I hang up, you call
We rise and we fall
And we feel like just walking away
As our love advances
We take second chances
Though it's not a fantasy
I still want you to stay

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cause we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow

Take it slow, oh oh, this time we'll take it slow
Take it slow, oh oh, this time we'll take it slow
Take it slow

Maybe we'll live and learn
Maybe we'll crash and burn
Maybe you'll stay
Maybe you''ll leave
Maybe you'll return
Maybe you'll never find
Maybe we won't survive
Maybe we'll grow
We never know
Baby, you and I

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cause we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow, hey
We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cause we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow

Artist:John Legend
Album:Get Lifted

Friday, February 18, 2005

friday night mind fuck

Your voice stole my sleep
In the middle of the night
Slipped into my bed
And penetrated my mind
Filling it with skeptic hope
And relieving it of reason
I should have known
They put you up to it
Those Spirits you call friends
I heard it in your voice
In the impediment of your speech
They had fooled you as you drank
Promising ignorant bliss
Instead filling your mind with false confidence
Making you speak in tongues
While in your Spirits induced trance
Yeah, that was you...that night you left the dance
And afterward, when all was said and done
And Afterward, when all was done and said
Turns out it was just what it was
A cheap, drunk Friday night mind fuck
--"quiroz" 2005

attention deficit disorder

I am diagnosing myself with Adult Attention Deficit Disorder. At least for today anyway. I haven't been able to concentrate on a single damn thing. I have tons of stuff to do here at work and I've been doing 'em, but it's just that while I'm working on one thing my mind is off on something else. I can't concentrate on one specific thing. It's so fucking annoying. I mean even as I'm sitting here typing this my leg's anxiously thumping away...stop, damn it! My mind is racing a million miles a minute and I just want to go home! My fuse is a little short today also, as well, too. I was talking to a user earlier, trying to make a small change on his email client that at most would've taken 30 seconds to make, but he was adament that I schedule a meeting with him in order to do it. I put on my best smile, bit my tongue and imagined me rushing across the room and bitch slapping the mother fucker. I'm just glad that it's Friday. Not only that, but it's a three day weekend. Hell fuckin' yeah! It's been a very long week and I feel drained every which way; physically, mentally, emotionally...I need a drink.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

i am now a defensive driver

I have officially "mastered" the California defensive driving training online. It was a choice between sitting in a class for about 2 hours or sitting in front of my computer for about 30 minutes. I haven't sat through a class for almost a year now, so that was a no brainer. My mind is now cramed with all the knowledge I need on how to be a defensive driver. I mean now I know to slow down when someone cuts me off instead of threatening them with my gun. I think that one was a cheap shot at Fresno (recently there have been a few incidents on the freeways of people getting shot at as a result of supposed road rage.) Also, in case of brake failure I should try pumping my brakes or gently using my parking brake and not steer toward a tree or fence to help me stop. I'm thinking what the fuck? But I'm sure there are people on the streets right now that would actually consider steering toward a tree a viable option to stop their runaway car. So anyway, I took the test and passed with flying colors, 97.3%. I missed one out of 35. I thought seatbelts were meant to keep you from being injured in case of an accident. Apparently, they're meant to keep you from flying through the windshield...I guess that makes sense. I think it's kinda dumb that I be required to take the course just so that I'm able to drive my golf cart around campus, which I've been doing for the passed month anyway. But whatever, you never know when my electric golf cart might overheat, get stuck in snow, begin hydroplaning, or have a blow out. Had I not taken the course I wouldn't have a clue as to what to do. Oh, and yes I do drive a golf cart around campus, not because I'm too lazy to walk, but because I'm usually lugging computer equipment from one side of campus to the other. And okay...I guess I'm a little lazy too, but fuck it's been raining. I spend too much time doing my hair in the morning to have the rain mess it all up. I gots to look pretty for all the college hotties (a perk of my job). Aight, now I'm just rambling. The point of my story was that I now know how to drive defensively. I think Fresno should make it mandatory that all drivers go through the training, 'cause I fuckin' swear most these people can't drive for shit!

Monday, February 14, 2005

happy singles awareness day!

Friday, February 11, 2005

puerto rico, here I come!

Fuckin' ey, I'm going to Puerto Rico in May! I bought my plane ticket today. I'm fuckin' excited and it's still a few months away. A group of friends and friend's friends are going to Puerto Rico and I was invited about a month ago. At first I was a little skeptical of the whole idea, but then I said, fuck it! I need to do some traveling. This will be my first time leaving the continental U.S. A couple years ago I went to NYC, clear across the country. Seems leaving the main land is the next logical step. Besides I gotta get used to flying over the ocean, 'cause my next stop after P.R. is Hawai'i. I've already started scouting P.R. for things to do, nightlife, pick up spots ('cause I'm hoping to bring me back a Boricua). I ain't even playing...every chance I get I'm online checking out things to do there. I'll have to cram alot of things into a small timeframe, 'cause I'll only be there for about 4 days. You can do alot in 4 days, right?...Well, I'm sure I will. *wink, wink*

Aight, just thought I'd share 'cause I was excited. Hope everyone has a good weekend.

Monday, February 07, 2005

which family guy character are you?


Which Family Guy character are you?

Friday, February 04, 2005

small tuna sandwich with a side of ghetto

This afternoon for lunch I decided to run an errand for work, so I headed to CompUSA with my newly issued university ProCard (credit card). I realized I'm a fuckin' nerd as I walked into the store and I was like a kid in a candy store with all the tech stuff. Okay, not really a realization as much as an affirmation. In any case, I had to convince myself to just grab what I had set out to buy, since it was lunch time and I had to grab some grub. I decided to go to Port-o-subs for lunch,again...I had that yesterday. Only today they actually had tuna. I walked into the place and there were three females working the counter, which was kinda busy it being lunch time and all. Two of the girls at the counter were there yesterday when I had lunch and I noticed then that they were a little off. Today though, they were having a big ol' ball working the counter. They were laughing and talking amongst themeselves as well as the customers. Definitely not the usual counter bunch I was used to. Kinda refreshing really. Not that I really gave a fuck, I was just hungry. As I patiently waited my turn at the counter I overheard some guy a couple people ahead of me refuse the chips as he was trying to watch his weight. The cashier tried to hock their potato salad instead, which he also refused. I thought, that sounds good actually. As I'm standing there pondering if I want potato or macorroni salad some guy behind the line yells out to one of the counter girls, "Ey, dame las llaves de la ven!" ("Hey, give me the keys to the van!") Embarrassed, the girl stops making the sandwich she was in the middle of making and runs to the back of the store to retrieve her keys.

"No me viste, estaba ayi parado un rato? Es que sali temprano." (Didn't you see me standing there I was there for a while? I got out of work early.")

"No."

"Bueno, alrato amor!" ("Well, laters babe!") And off he went leaving his girl, I'm assuming, melting with embarrassment.

I thought, okay fucker, 'cause you couldn't wait till she was done doing what she was doing you had to yell clear across the fuckin' store to get her attention. That poor girl was so embarrassed that as she prepared my sandwich she just kept on apologizing to me and laughing a nervous laugh. I could've felt bad for her, but nigga was huuuungry. I get to the cashier just as she's telling the other girl, "I'm a west-side girl, born and raised." No fuckin' way...never would've guessed. Ring my shit up!.

"Can I have a small macarroni salad instead of the chips with my combo?"

"Sure." Just then the third girl behind the counter whispers to her that they're all out of macarroni salad. "Uh, I'm sorry we all out, would you like a potato salad instead?"

"Umm, okay." Then of'course the third girl whispers that they're out of that too.

"I'm sorry we ain't got that either", laughing and a little embarrassed at having offered two things they're all out of.

"Well...scratch that then", grabbing my bag of jalapeno chips.

"Would you like a cookie?" Suddenly I felt like a little kid being consoled with a cookie. After I realized she was offering a free cookie I said, fuck it...

"Give him 10% off," the third girl suggested before I was rang up. I was all for that.

As I walked out the store, food in tow, they were all giggles and waving good-bye. I'm thinking, I ought to lay the charm down more often.

Thursday, February 03, 2005

home sick

It's been over a month that I've been back home and I'm feelin' it. I miss my familia, even though I know I'll be dying to get back here by Sunday afternoon. I just need to get my family fix for a week or two. Don't get me wrong...I love my family, but you know once you've been out on your own for a long time there's only so much family time you can handle at a time. Still, I miss my folks, my siblings, and what seems to be a hundred screaming nieces and nephews who most are at that age where swearing is cool. Hell, even those too young to think swearing is cool do it. I don't know where the fuck they pick it up? Seriously though, I make a conscious effort to watch my mouth when my nieces and nephews are around, because I tend to swear alot...I think. But damn if the other day I didn't hear my 10 year old nephew sream at his 8 year old brother, "Shut the fuck up or I'll kick your fuckin' ass, bitch!"

I said, what the fuck?! "What did you just say?"

"Huh?", deer in headlights expression as he hadn't realized I was standing behind him.

"What did you just say?"

"When?"

Fuckin', last week Tuesday at noon, "Just now!"

"Nothin'...."

"Nothing, cabron...you better watch your mouth." Or next time I'll beat you silly.

Throwing that cabron in there probably didn't help the lesson I was trying to teach there, but damn it. Those kids amaze me with the shit that they talk when they think no "adults" are around. Kind of reminds me of when I was their age and me and my cousins thought we were so cool cussing up a storm. A bunch of under aged drunken sailors we were, even though half the time we didn't know what the fuck we were saying.

So anyway, how the fuck did I get to reminiscing? Damn I am getting old. The point of my story, and I do have one...is that I'm going back home to my folks' this weekend. Fuck it's already Friday again. Well almost.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

26 years ago...

26 years ago, today, I made my grand entrance into this mad, mad world. It's been nothing but buckets o' fun every since. Okay, that might be a bit of a strectch, but it hasn't all been bad...


 
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