Thinking Out Loud

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

hump day treat

cheese cake, lemon swirl cake...yum

My boss woman has just been offered her permanent position as...well, my boss. It was also her birthday when she got the news, so good for her. Possibly good for me as well, 'cause she's really pushing to get me hired on here permanently too. In any case, as a celebration we had cheese cake and lemon swirl cake at the main office...fuckin' delicious!

lazy ass bitch

I walked over to a neighboring building this aftertoon to help out a user. The entrance to this building is a glass double door. There's a big round button on the wall that activates the automatic handicapped door. There was a lady walking ahead of me toward the entrance. She suddenly stopped and pressed the automatic door opener and stood there waiting for the slow ass door to open. I just rolled my eyes and pulled the door open ahead of her. Move bitch...get out the way, get out the way! She walked in behind me, looking a little embarrassed, but then turned and hit the button for the elevator. I'm thinking, bitch it's a two story building! Maybe if your chain smoking ass wasn't outside smoking a cig all the time you wouldn't be afraid to climb these stairs.

feast for the gut and the eyes

I did lunch with my roomie, the hobag, today. I don't know why I have to differentiate him as the hobag, he's my only roomate. But he's still a hobag. In any case, we had lunch at the Dog House Grill...our university's mascot is the bulldog. Bulldogs!! Anyway, though my tri-tip sandwich was good, bitch filled me up, I was more interested in the meat that was walking around. Fuckin' ey...I gots to go there more often. Hoot, hoot!!

$2.99 the first minute, then $1.99 each additional minute

I called up a user today, 'cause her printer was "printing gibberish". My first mistake was to ask her what the problem was, because she went on this little rant about how her printer has been printing "gibberish" for the past week and how she had just been feeding it paper hoping that whatever "it thought it was printing" would be over soon. Okay, word to the wise...printers don't think. Her voice was kinda sexxxy though. She suggested I could stop by her office on Monday afternoon and greeted me with a "Okay Edward, I'll see you then..." in a very sexy soft-like voice. Hell, had me reaching for my credit card. Oh yeah? And what are you gonna do to me then? Oh yeah, I've been a very bad boy.

state holidays rule!

Tomorrow my ass gets to sleep in or wake up early and just, I mean clean my room. Tomorrow is Cesar Chavez day. A California state holiday. I'm a state employee, yay! No work for me tomorrow...that is fucking awesome! Did I mention it is awesome...okay, but it's so fuckin' awesome! But then I have to come back on Friday...that licks nuts. In any case...Happy Cesar Chavez day California state employees!

sugar daddy ogle

Yesterday I was supposed to meet with a user to fix some email issue for him. I had never actually met him personally only spoken to him on the phone. As I was walking down the hall to his office I walked passed this old professor who had a huge grin on his face. Being polite I acknowledged him and greeted him with a hello, which he responded by ogling me up and down still smiling. Not really tryin to be subtle about it at all. I'm thinking what the fuck?! I hope that wasn't him. So I get to his office and of course he's not in there. I call his office and leave a message on his voicemail asking he call me back. He called me later on in the afternoon and I agree to meet him in his office this morning, which I did. Low and behold guess who opens the door...the same old perverted professor who had ogled me like some piece of meat the day before. At this point I'm already all apprehensive thinking, I hope this is a quick fix, damn it! Meanwhile, he's being very polite...offering me a Snapple, "No thanks." You probably spiked them. I didn't want to wake up a couple hours later with an unexplainable sore ass, no thanks! I sat at his computer and quickly did what I needed to. Thankfully it was a quick fix and I was outta there as soon as he could say "bend over". Very uncomfortable situation. On the bright side, if I ever need a sugar daddy I know where to go. I can be a house boy for a bit.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

"what do you want?"

A while back my roomie asked me, "what do you want?" Just in general, what I wanted. I blew off the question, because I didn't want to answer it just then. Besides, no one had ever asked me that, so really I couldn't formulate an adequate response just then. What do I want...? That's a loaded question, isn't it? I want for a lot of things, which makes me wonder just how much my life is really lacking.

I want to have a closer, honest, and open relationship with my family. My family is close knit. We look out for eachother. We have always been there for eachother no matter what. We've had our fair share of drama, true, but we remain very close. Still, I can't help but feel like my family doesn't know me. As a child I was always the quiet one, the well behaved one, the exemplary kid. Pretty much the kid that if you were a bad ass, you hated. It wasn't by choice that I was like that, though. I didn't set out to be the good kid, it's just that I thought that's what was expected of me. As a consequence, I was always the invisible kid. The kid who often went overlooked. I was never truly that kid, though. It was an act. An act I put on for my family, because that's what they expected of me. So, it's that same act that I find myself to this day still putting on when at home. My family thinks that I'm this serious person, uptight I suppose. When that couldn't be further from the truth. When around friends, I'm not very shy...actually not shy at all. Never have been...around friends. Yet when I'm at home, I still feel like it's expected of me and it frustrates me, because that's not who I am at all. If I talk shit at home, people are shocked that I have a sense of humor. And that really gets under my skin. I'd like for them to know how I truly am, but for some reason it's just difficult to break out of that tightly sealed shell.

I want to have a permanent job. I'm tired of the uncertainty of my financial standing. Currently I am employed on a temporary basis with an option to become permanent in July. Of course I'd have to reapply for my position and compete against, from what I can gather, some people who are VERY interested in my position and have years of experience on me. It would be nice to be certain of my employment status so that maybe I could start making some financial plans for the future. However, it's hard to do so when I don't know if I'll be looking for a job again come July.

I want to be okay with myself and by myself. Not to say I don't like myself. I rather enjoy my company, but there are some aspects of my personality that I suppose could use some tweaking. I'd like for my happiness to not depend on someone else. True, no one can truly be happy alone, but I'd like for me to be somewhat happy by myself. It's just this stupid notion that I have conjured up that the "right" person will come along and complete me. So far that hasn't been the case. Don't get me wrong, I've been in love and deeply in love. However, I don't think I've truly met the right person for me.

Finally, I want to meet the one person I can share my life with. The one person who will not be afraid of letting their guard down with me. And likewise the person I will not be afraid of letting my guard down around. I have so much to offer that person. At the risk of sounding conceded, I am a great person! I truly am, because I strive to be. When I love, I love whole heartedly and loyally. The person I seek should not be freightened away by that. On the contrary, the person I seek will love me more because of it. Is it a fantasy? Maybe, but if I never set out to find that one, then I'll never know.

This is what I want, then I'll be happy. This is all I ask for. It's not unreasonable.

What do you want?


Is it getting better
Or do you feel the same
Will it make it easier on you
Now you got someone to blame
You say one love, one life
When it's one need in the night
It's one love
We get to share it
It leaves you baby
If you don't care for it

Did I disappoint you
Or leave a bad taste in your mouth
You act like you never had love
And you want me to go without
Well it's too late tonight
To drag the past out into the light
We're one but we're not the same
We get to carry each other, carry each other

Have you come here for forgiveness
Have you come to raise the dead
Have you come here to play Jesus
To the lepers in your head
Did I ask too much
More than a lot
You gave me nothing
Now it's all I got
We're one but we're not the same
We hurt each other, then we do it again

You say love is a temple
Love a higher law
Love is a temple
Love the higher law
You ask me to enter but then you make me crawl
And I can't be holding on to what you got
When all you got is hurt

One love, one blood, one life
You got to do what you should
One life with each otherSisters, brothers
One life but we're not the same
We get to carry each other, carry each other

Artist: U2
Album: Achtung Baby

Friday, March 25, 2005

george carlin's views on aging

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions."How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half You're four and a half, going on five!

That's the key.

You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

"How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . . . you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . . . YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out there's no fun now, you're just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40.

Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.

But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime.

And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92."

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!"

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

northern cali

Carmel, CA - 2004

I was going through some pics the other night and I ran across this picture of the beach in Carmel. God, I love the California's fuckin' beautiful. My friends and I are planning a trip to the coast next month, I can't wait!

happy birthday hoebagg!

Today is my roomie's birthday. He's turning 26 and we're expecting his facial hair to sprout sometime soon. Just kidding...I know you have facial hair, as sporadic as it is, it's there. Enjoy the day bitch and you gotta have a drink tonight at dinner. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

movie: robots

Far beyond the Toy Story days, the CGI animation in this film is awesome! The Robot City scenes are a great testament to how far computer animation has come in a few short years. So much attention was put into the details that it is hard to believe you are watching an animated film. Aside from the breathtaking animation, this movie was good fun. Some of the humor is lost on the older crowd, but hits big with the children and vice-versa. It is a PG flick afterall.

Dreaming of greatness, young inventor Rodney Copperbottom (Ewan McGregor) journeys to Robot City in hopes of wowing tycoon Big Weld with his inventions. Immediately upon arrival in Robot City Rodney meets Fender (Robin Williams), a wacky tourist photog who also sells "maps to the stars". Their trip across town on the public transportion system is nothing short of an animation masterpiece. It bares repeating that the animation in this film is awesome. The plot revolves around the seemingly unavailablity of spare parts and the sudden push by Big Weld headquarters for the newer more expensive "upgrade" parts. Rodney soon learns of Big Weld's sudden and mysterious unavailablity and that the corporation is being run instead by Phineas T. Ratchet (Greg Kinnear), a shady character. He inlists the help of Cappy (Halle Berry) as well as his "out mode" buddies to get to the bottom of it all.

As I mentioned before, it is a good movie. Especially for the kids. Lots of things going on within each scene to keep even the worst of ADD cases seated and fixated on the film.

Monday, March 21, 2005

fuck spring break!

That is of course because I don't have a break! Damn, these grown up responsibilities such as work. I arrived to work this morning, I work at the university, and for a moment there I thought I had stepped into the Twilight Zone. The campus was deserted, there was no one in sight. Then I remembered most students were probably at home still asleep or hungover at some resort beach location, bastards! I suppose if in all my years in college I'd actually done something for spring break I wouldn't feel so bitter about it. I could instead look back fondly at all the fun and hijinks that were my spring breaks, but no. See, my friends and I always said we would go to Baja for spring break, but of course never did. We were either too broke or just too broke. So in all my years in college all I ever did for spring break was take the opportunity to work full-time the whole week. Now that I have money, I have to work...ain't that a bitch? Maybe I'll turn out to be one of 'em old folks hanging out at spring break trying to relive, or in my case live, the wild life of a spring breaker. I was watching some spring break shit on MTV the other day and all I could keep on thinking was, lucky ass mutha fuckers! Fuck Spring Break!

Friday, March 18, 2005

hint, hint...

This morning as I was preparing to drive off to work, I noticed a CD tucked under my windshield wiper - it was titled "Hillsong-United, More Than Life" with a black sharpie. I thought, what the fuck? At first, I thought it was some kind of software left behind by a friend. Then I thought, well maybe it's a compilation of love songs from a secret admirer...ooooh. So, I grabbed it from the windshield and threw it in my car. I figured I'd play it in my office. When I got to work I considered just tossing it, but curiousity got the best of me and so I popped it in my CD drive. Some music starts, well this might be promising. Sounded a bit rock, alternative - I thought, I hope this CD rocks! Just then the first verse starts, by the third verse I realize this band is a Jesus Rocks! band. I don't have anything against Christian music, it's just not my cup o' tea.

I'm thinking wow these Christian folk have moved up with technology, forget flyers now they're distributing CD's...that's cool I guess. However, earlier I was chatting with my roomie and I asked if he had gotten a CD on his windshield as well, which of course he hadn't. So now I'm thinking someone might think that I'm in need of some saving. Lord help me!

misuse of sharpies can be hazardous!


Thursday, March 17, 2005

red and yellow make GREEN!

No, I am not wearing green today, 'cause my dark ass is obviously not Irish. Though you can still feel free to kiss me. I said kiss me!! I've never gone out on St. Patty's day and gotten shit faced, though I often wished I would have. But it always landed on a school night, and I was a good boy in school. Okay...a good enough boy in school. However, this year a pint or two of green ale doesn't sound half bad. I might just have to run out and have me a couple drinks tonight.

Now, you might be wondering about the title to this post. Yes, I know red and yellow don't make green, but some people get confused with the color wheel. Such was the case with a good friend of mine a few years back. And since he's such a "good friend", he hasn't forgotten it since. See, it was St. Patrick's Day 19/20...fuck I don't remember what year it was, that's unimportant. A group of us friends were standing around bs'ing as usual, all wearing some green item; blades of grass, leaves...something stupid, when along comes this friend wearing his cool red, yellow, blue, and white Hilfiger windbreaker. Preparing to pounce and pinch, we pointed out he wasn't wearing green, to which he replied, " and yellow make GREEN!" pointing to the red and yellow patches on his windbreaker very matter-of-factlike. Took him a second to realize what he said and soon his face was just as red as the colored patch he had just pointed to. Ah, my friends...gotta love 'em.

Happy St. Patty's Day!...go out there and get tore the fuck up. Then let me know all about it.

my weakness

I wish the days away,
So that I might see you sooner,
To kiss your lips,
Hold your hand,
Or feel your warm embrace.

When I awake each day,
I long to have you by my side,
To hold you close,
Feel your warmth,
Or caress your sleeping face.

I'm weak, I guess it's true,
But I'm in love, and my weakness is you.

--"quiroz" 2005

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

hurry up and wait DVD's

I was at the video store last night and I noticed that it looks like I'll be making a few movie purchases in the next few weeks, as some great movies are coming out on DVD soon:

Finding Neverland - March 22
Closer - March 29
Sideways - April 5
Spanglish - April 5

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

movie: be cool

I'll tell you what would be cool; is if this movie hadn't been such a huge dissapointment! I watched Get Shorty a few years back and I thought it was a great movie - smart and funny. So, you can imagine my dissapointment with the few forced chuckles this movie provoked. I think I might have laughed a couple times just to try to convince myself that it was actually funny. That didn't work. I had high hopes for this movie too. Alas, not even the couple of Long Island Ice Teas I had before hand hightened the experience. The PG-13 rating should have tipped me off.

The movie begins and quickly we learn that Chilli Palmer (John Travolta) is bored of the movie bizz. Longing for something new, music bizz, he steals a female performer (Cristina Millian) from a white pimped out manager (Vince Vaughn) and the fun ensues. Okay, well not quite. The basic plot of the movie, and the plot is very basic, is a fight over Cristina's character's contract. Throw in lots of big name actors and a huge rock star (Steve Tyler) and what you have is two hours down the shitter. I thought The Rock as a gay bodyguard might be fun to watch, but his take on the stereotypical flaming gay man complete with the "three snaps in z formation" was just annoyingly bad. With big names and a great movie to sequel, it had a great deal of promise. Unfortunately, it didn't deliver.

Watch it if you must. Hell, some people will probably think it's hilarious. But I'll be willing to bet if they do that they must have smoked a big ol' blunt right before. If only I'd had that foresight, this review might be completely different.

Monday, March 14, 2005

spongebob's sex video is distroying the "family"!

With the recent popularity of celebrity sex tapes going public (i.e. Paris Hilton, Fred Durst) it kind of makes you wonder, who's next? Well, not to be outdone SpongeBob Squarepants now has appeared in a sex tape too...well, kind of.

The Anti-Defamation League (ADL) along with the We Are Family Foundation have teamed up to produce a video promoting tolerance geared towards children. According to some "traditional family" defenders, however, the video also promotes homosexuality. As if that wasn't bad enough, the teacher's video guide also encourages the prodding of children to assess the roles that make up a family unit beyond the father, mother, brother, sister roles. You know...the untraditional families with, say, single parents or (shudder at the thought) two daddies or two mommies.

Is it wrong to prod children to rethink the familty unit? Hell, no! What is wrong is trying to feed today's children these antiquated notions of what a familty should be. Children are growing up in a different society, from say, when I was growing up. The norm is now simply a term that seemingly changes meaning every day. Who's to tell these children from single parent homes or gay households that their family's value is less than that of the "traditional family"? Seems to me the more these children are made to feel like part of this society, the more they are likely to grow up to be beneficial to it.

Friday, March 11, 2005

it's friday again, yay.....!

Damn, this week flew by so damned fast. Not that I'm complaining, simply making an observation. It's Friday! And muthafucka is huuuuungry!

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

movie: diary of a mad black woman

So I watched this movie last night and I have to say that it was really good. I hadn't really paid much attention to it. From the previews it looked like it might be another Big Momma's House type comedy, with a man playing the big momma bit. And while it did have the obvious man playing the big-boned grandmama it wasn't overly done. The bit added much comedy relief to an otherwise serious drama.

The movie follows the main character, a young black woman, as she struggles to deal with the end of her 17 year marriage to a man who seemingly dispised her. Sufice it to say, she was treated like shit. Having been totally dependant of her husband throughout the marriage, she slowly learns to become independent and eventually find her self-worth. Of course, she has a little help from the requisite attractive male co-star; who happens to be in tune with his emotions, has also been hurt in love, is romantic, knows what he wants, has a job, prefers to be intimate rather than jump right to the sex...basically he's a figment of every straight woman's imagination. This movie deals with being hurt by the one you love and finding the courage and strength to forgive, let go, and move on.

Don't get me wrong, though. It might sound like a serious movie, but there's plenty of comedic relief to move the movie right along. There were a few hidden and not so hidden references to other movies scattered throughout this one. A couple examples: the great uncle reciting some dialogue from The Color Purple, "Hawpo...who is dis woman? Who is dis here woman hawpo?" (The Color Purple is my favorite movie, damn it!) ; then Grandmama finding a wire clothes hanger in the closet and angrily shouting, "Nooo wire hangers, ever!!!" (from Mommy Dearest...okay I've watched way too many movies.) There were a few others that had me chuckling by myself. The scenes at the church made me wish I attended a baptist church growing up. It just seems like so much fun. Instead I had to endure the constant sitting and standing and kneeling the Catholic mass had to offer.

Great movie. Two thumbs up. Good date movie.

lesson learned

A little Mexican boy goes into the kitchen where his mom is baking. He puts his hand in the flour and wipes it all over his face.

"Mom, look, I'm a white boy."

His mom slaps him in the face and orders, "Go show your father!".

He goes to his dad in the living room and says, "Look dad, I'm a white boy." His dad slaps him hard in the face and says, "Go show your grandmother!"

The boy goes in his grandmothers room and says, "Mira abuelita, I'm a white boy." His grandmother slaps him in the face and sends him back to his mother.

His mother says, "See. Did you learn anything from that?"

To which the boy replies, "Sure did. I have only been white for five minutes and I already hate you Mexicans."

it's hump day... why ain't anyone humpin'?!

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

who'd of thunk it?

Last night was like any other Monday night. I was sitting there in front of the television rotting a few brain cells, feeling very lathargic. Just like any other night I suppose. I was suddenly overcome with the feeling of disgust. I have become what I said I would cease to be once I finished school...a lazy ass! I realized that I come to work, go home, watch TV, then go to sleep. How fuckin' sad is that?! WTF?!

I had said that once I was done with school and I had a regular schedule that I would start working out regulary. It had been difficult for me to do while I was in school, because it seemed like something always came up or I had to do some last minute studying. Well now I have been out of school for almost a year and I have yet to start my workout routine. Sure, I was doing good there for a bit. I was jogging every morning and I was seriously seeing the benefits. But that only lasted for about two and a half months.

The other day my roomie and I went for a jog at the park and I was seriously feeling the effects of my hiatus from jogging. I have to get back on the ball here. I feel unhealthy. Just generally unhealthy overall. This is why last night I decided to workout. Well, that and the fact that I received an issue of Men's Health yesterday with the usual ripped male model on the cover; as if taunting me. So I went all out - balls to the wall, no holds barred...really worked out. I opted against the usual begin slow and increase the workout route, because I had to gauge how bad I was. I decided to go with the workout I learned while taking a kickboxing class at the university. It is a bit physically demanding. I found myself having to slow down a few times, but I held out for an hour. So that's not too bad right? A non-stop hour of cardio? I know I still have lots of work to do. Mainly, I want to be able to go through the day without feeling tired thoughout most of it. After my workout and shower last night, wouldn't you know it I was able to sleep throughout the night. I even woke up this morning before my alarm went off and I didn't feel tired. I guess a little exercise goes a long way...who'd of thunk it?

Monday, March 07, 2005

not quite what i expected

Have you ever just had your heart set on something, but once you get it you're very dissapointed? Well, such was the case with my lunch this afternoon. A friend and I decided we would do lunch today since he was in town. We decided we would have some chinese cuisine. There is is this chinese buffet I used to frequent quite a bit. I know you're thinking...chinese buffet, ewww. But it's really good...well, it used to be really good. When I used to be in college a friend and I used to hit up that place once a week. For a buffet, the food was good. I know I keep reiterating that the food was good, but it was. Was, being the operative word.

I knew something was up when we walked in through the front door and the usual little chinese lady had been replaced with a taller lanky chinese woman with a mouthful of food trying to give directions to a customer. That shit was fuckin' nasty. Here she is with a pad in her hand, scribbling down someshit and occasionally covering her mouth as pieces of whatever the fuck she had in her mouth flew passed her chompers. Then as we served ourselves we had this other chinese woman looking over our shoulders as if accounting for what we put on our plates. Watchful eyes, watching everything...job must suck. After that, I had little hope for this place. Sure enough, the food was horrible. Rice was hard, most the food was kinda cold, and just tasted nasty. Needless to say I'm not going back there anytime soon.

from good cause to fashion fad in 60 seconds

I suppose it was only a matter of time before the yellow wristband turned into a fashion fad. It started out as a good cause by Lance Armstrong in support of people around the world living with cancer. Being a cancer survivor himself, he started this campaign. Each yellow band costs $1, which in turn benifits the Lance Armstrong Foundation.

This weekend, however, as I was catching up on some spanish television I caught a piece on the latest in fashion trends. Apparently these wristbands are now being mass produced and sold as the latest in fashion. They are being produced in different colors and with different "inpirational" words inscribed on them. I'm thinking, what the fuck?! I mean, granted those yellow wristbands had turned into a fad long ago. But at least those people jumping on the yellow wristband-wagon were inadvertently contributing to a good cause. Now the only cause benifiting from this latest fashion trend will be the greedy mo fo's who saw dollar signs on countless yellow wristband wearing wrists.

I guess it just gets under my skin that something with such a worthy cause can be exploited and turned into a fashion statement.

dos locos

El tiempo no ha logrado que te olvide.
No ha borrado las huellas de tu amor.
Todavia siento el sabor de tus besos en mi boca.
Todavia siento tus manos acariendome la piel.

Y yo no quiero seguir asi, estando con ella y pensando en ti.

A mi me esta pasando igual, no dejo de pensar en ti.
Hay dia que me levanto contigo en la cabeza, lo llamo por tu nombre.

Y yo no quiero seguir asi, estando con ella y pensando en ti.

Que tontos que locos somos tu y yo, estando con otros y amandonos.
Que tontos que locos somos tu y yo, estando con otros y aun amandonos.

Y yo no quiero seguir asi, estando con ella y pensando en ti.

A mi me esta pasando igual no dejo de pensar en ti.
Hay dia que me levanto contigo en la cabeza, lo llamo por tu nombre.

Y yo no quiero seguir asi, estando con ella y pensando en ti.

Que tontos que locos somos tu y yo, estando con otros y amandonos.
Que tontos que locos somos tu y yo, estando con otros y aun amandonos.

Todavia no me acostumbro ni al cafe hecho por sus manos.
Me sabe mal, no es como el tuyo.
Y yo, cuando siento sus caricias, cierro los ojos y pienso en ti.

Que tontos que locos somos tu y yo, estando con otros y amandonos.
Que tontos que locos somos tu y yo, estando con otros y aun amandonos.

Que tontos que locos somos tu y yo, estando con otros y amandonos.
Que tontos que locos somos tu y yo, estando con otros y aun amandonos.
Que tontos.

Artist: Monchy y Alexandra
Album: Confesiones

Friday, March 04, 2005

is it friday, really?

Damn...don't people go home early on Friday's? Why is that every Friday people here at work tend to seem to want to work the hardest? In the past 2 hours I've gotten about 10 calls with users having issues with their computers. I'm thinking, damn it's Friday go home! I have one and a half hours left to go then the weekend starts. Only right now it doesn't seem soon enough. I think I would've pulled out what little hair I have left if it weren't for this CD that I'm listening to and have been listening to all day long. It's "Bachatas De Oro 2002", a compliation of popular Bachata songs. Last night I went Salsa dancing with a friend and the DJ slipped in a couple Bachata songs. So I'm feeling the music right now. It's helped keep me calm all day long.'s Friday! Hell fuckin' yeah! Hope everyone has a good and safe weekend. Remember, Be good or be good at it.

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

you're getting sleepy, sleeeepy....

I pulled off the whole day today on two and a half hours of sleep. I don't know what the fuck the problem was last night. My mind and body felt tired when I lay in bed, but that's all I did just lay there wide awake all damned night. I decided to shower at about 3 am to see if maybe that would help and it did a little, but I still didn't end up falling asleep till about an hour later. I got to work this morning feeling like I had gotten a whole night's sleep, though. But when I got back from lunch I started feeling a little tired and, I'm seriously about to just fucking lay down here in my office and go to sleep. It's almost six, so I suppose I should just go home and try to not nap too long. Otherwise, I'll just have another sleepless night again. Although, I feel like I could get home, fall asleep, and not wake up till tomorrow morning.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

relationship troubles keeping me awake

Okay, last night I decided I was going to be good and go to sleep early. I had bitched yesterday about feeling tired all day, so I thought, Aight, I'll try it. Just as I pressed my ear to the pillow at 10:00 pm my phone rings. 10pm, I can't remember the last time I've gone to bed so early. Anyhow, it was a friend wanting to talk, 'cause he had just broken up with his "baby". Now, I could've fell fast asleep, 'cause I was that tired, but I thought....fuck it. I'm not one to turn a friend away.

So anyway, he's telling me his drama that just went down and I can tell he's really bummed out. As I'm trying to console him and give him the "everything is going to be alright" shpill I'm thinking, Wait a minute, just last week you text me just to tell me how happy you were. This guy would text me out of the blue, just to tell me that he and his "baby" were good and that he was happy and that I will find someone too, blah, blah, blah. If I didn't know any better I'd think he was trying to rub it in my face that he was in a "blissful" relationship and I was single again. That always made me think, damn did I do that to him? Did I rub it in his face that my relationship was good? I don't think I did. I certainly never text him just to let him know. I mean when he would asked how my relationship was going I simply told him the truth. Fuckin' fantabulous! Great! Awesome! I didn't exaggerate, really my relationship with my ex was fuckin' great! That is one thing that I am grateful for. It was my first relationship and it was healthy. We got along great, we understood eachother's humor and sarcasm, we could talk for hours on the phone everynight, we both were able to express ourselves to eachother, for the most part. I mean it set the bar high, which is why I am now cautiously looking. Before that relationship, I didn't know what I was looking for in a relationship. Friends would ask and my list always came up short. Now, I have a definite list of what I want and don't want.

Now back to my friend. See, when I was with my ex he was single. Everytime I talked to him he was always bummed out about being single. When my relationship ended he began his, so we kind of transitioned roles there. Obviously, fresh out of my relationship I was bummed out, but I took comfort in knowing that at least he was happy now. I thought, that's fuckin' cool. But then he began going outta his way to let me know that he was really happy. Okay fucker...I get the point. Whatever, more power to him. Now turns out things weren't as peachy with he and his "baby" as he had led on for months. If this was so, what exactly do you suppose he was trying to prove by making me believe that he was in relationship bliss? Maybe nothing, maybe he wasn't trying to make me believe how great his relationship was...maybe he was trying to convince himself.

In any case, his gloating made me a little self-conscious. I mean, did he see that in me and so he was paying me back. I've never been one to toot my own horn, I'm just not physically that flexible. All kidding aside, though, it's just not me. I don't know maybe that's just how he is, he had a good thing and he wanted to share that. Every fuckin' chance he could. Anyway, I hope all works out for him. He's a good kid. I can say that 'cause I'm old now. Speaking of which, I will try the early bed time again tonight.

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