Thinking Out Loud

Thursday, June 30, 2005

home is where the heart is

I want to return home,
My home, before all the changes,
Before it all became so cluttered and clusterphobic,
When the back door led to the back yard,
Instead of the narrow hallway seperating the second dwelling,
When my mother's flower bed grew wildly just below the kitchen window,
I long to return to that home, which on weekends bathed and drowned,
In the music that was the eightees,
When Madonna joked she remembered what it was like,
To be a virgin,
When Prince started his "Revolution",
With the crying of the doves,
Back when watching the WWF was a family event,
Hulk Hogan, Macho Man, Tito Santana -- the instigators of playground injuries,
The latter, instigator of my sisters' swooning,
I want to return to my home across the street from flourishing crops,
Alfalfa, cotton, and corn fields were my childhood playgrounds,
But those crops no longer flourish there,
They've been replaced by the upcrop of new developments and single family dwelings,
I want to go back to my home that in winter greeted me everyday after school,
With the smell of homemade flour tortillas and my mothers warm embrace,
Take me back to that home packed with six children and two parents,
Trying their hardest to keep us all afloat,
I long to return to that home,
But know it no longer exists, not how it used to exist anyway,
Now in my age I must start my own home,
And I haven't the slightest clue of where to begin.
--"quiroz" 2005

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

unconditional

When all has been said.
Then too when all has been done,
You are still - the one.
--"quiroz" 2005

Thursday, June 23, 2005

missing utah boy



I don't know how many of you have been following this story or have even heard about it. But, is it just me or does this kid not look terribly happy to be back home. Turns out he was hiding from volunteer searchers when they would come near him. I don't blame the kid, his family apparently regards him as an idiot. In news stories during the search they often described him as being extremely shy around people, having a bad sense of direction, being a complete moron. Okay, I added the last one, but they fell very short of saying that. Well, lookie here bitches he survived nearly 4 days out in the wilderness by himself. Maybe being out in the wilderness without his family he saw his opportunity to make a run for it. Figured he'd take a chance on being raised by a pack of wolves rather than be at home. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad he was found alive. After the third day I was beginnning to think the worst, but what if he had tried to get away...damn, that would suck.

did i miss the memo?

Last week I started noticing my supervisor bringing his daughter in to work. At first I thought, maybe it's Bring Your Kids To Work day or some shit, but he brought her to work everyday of the week. So then I thought, well fuck maybe it's Bring Your Kids To Work week. Now it's what, Thursday of the following week? Today he also has his son with him...umm should we expect the wife and in-laws in tomorrow? Not that it bothers me, hell we're not even in the same office space, but it just seems a bit odd. Last week sometime he called me up and asked me to take a look at a computer in his office, because it wasn't playing DVD's. So I drop what I'm doing, go over to his office...turns out he was trying to put a DVD on to keep his daughter entertained. Um, dipshit...this computer doesn't have a DVD drive. That's probably why it won't play DVD's. Of course I only thought that while I smiled and excused myself.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

smell my finger...

My index finger smells like fish. Guess what I was doing...no, that's dirty! I just finished eating a tuna sa'mich for lunch. I went to scratch my nose and...*gag* yack! I can imagine what my breathe smells like now....Hhhhello! Great, now I'm gonna be all self-conscious about my breath when talking to people for the rest of the day. Hell, maybe that'll keep them from bothering me with their computer problems.

Friday, June 17, 2005

'i do'

Take this ring,
And take my hand,
Love me as I am.
Flawed, complex, and jealous,
But love me as I am.

Take my love,
And take my heart,
Say we'll never part.
Not today, not tomorrow, or the next,
Just say we'll never part.

Take this life,
And make it yours,
For soon it will be ours,
Yours, and mine, and then the kids,
Yes, soon it will be ours.

Take me now,
To be your love,
For all I need is you,
And I'll take you now,
Right as you are,
With a resouding, strong -- 'I do'.

--"quiroz" 2005

nothing to say...

I am met today, as I have been in recent days, with this same intimidating blank screen and words continue to escape me.

Monday, June 13, 2005

one-eyed monster

No, not that one...dirty. My allergies have been acting up today, you know runny nose itchy eyes. The runny nose is annoying, but it's the itchy eyes that are killing me. Moreso, because I wear contacts. So I was rubbing my eyes (I know, that's unsanitary) when all of a sudden I notice that my vision is blurred in one eye. Fuck, my contact! So I touch my face to make sure it didn't pop out and it's stuck on an eye lash or something. Nope, nothing. I start to frantically look around...my keyboard, my shirt, my jeans, the floor...nothing. Fuck! This had happened to me before, but I was at home where I have my back-ups. I'm thinking, fuck it's barely 1:30, two more hours to go can I work with one good eye? By now I'm annoyed as all hell, so I go to the restroom to check out my eye. I'm standing there looking into the mirror, poking around in my eye in hopes of finding it when my supervisor walks in...fuck! I leave the restroom and head up to the second floor where that restroom is used a little less frequently. I walk in and I'm there poking around when I notice that it's folded in half and jammed into the corner of my eye. As I'm trying to fish it out one of my collegues walks in and looks at me a little funny. This mirror is on a wall perpendicular to the urinals. I'm thinking, great this motherfucker is gonna think I'm waiting around to get a glimpse of someone's package. I finally manage to fish it out and pop it back in my eye. I felt I should say something so he wouldn't get the wrong idea..."I nearly lost a contact there. Was flying blind for a minute there." I said with a nervous laugh. "That's why I don't wear those things. Something about seeing them go to the back of your eye scares me." He said laughing and walking out. Whfew! Cool...he didn't suspect anything. I have to get control of these damned allergies, damn it!

twilight-zone-like

It's almost Monday noon and not one of my regular blog reads has posted. Is today some kinda holiday that I'm unaware of? Where'd everyone go? Grace? Nora? Cindy-Lou? Anyone?....I'm scurred...

Monday, June 06, 2005

"good luck in the real world. don't ever change!" signed, your BFF

I had a bit of a high school nostalgic experience this weekend. I attended my niece's graduation. As I sat there all the little high school shit ran through my mind and I couldn't help but to smile, 'cause it was all so...dumb!

Anyway, Friday afternoon I drove down to my folks' for the weekend. Actually, I drove straight to my little niece's high school graduation. Nothing like having a niece graduate from high school and turn 18, to make you start feeling old. Eighteen! In a couple weeks she'll be legally able to vote...WTF! That's almost depressing...I say almost 'cause in my defense my sister started young (15 yrs. old, young). I was in third grade when I became a tio, so really I'm not that old. Now where was I? So I arrive at the graduation, which was held at my old high school's football stadium, about half an hour late. That place looks so much smaller than I remembered. It was packed too. There was no parking anywhere near the fuckin' place. I ended up parking about a block away. My sister, mother, and grandmother were already there and had been saving me a seat. After exchanging a few heated words with the rent-a-cop at the front gate, who wasn't letting me in even with my damn ticket in my hand I called my sister. She came down and had them let me in. Bastards! I made it to my seat just in time to catch the validictorian's tearful, sobsful speach. Poor girl, she could barely get her words out as she was apparently overcome with emotion. As fake as it was. Fuck, get on with it! The sobbing was cute at first, but no one is buying it anymore. It was funny to watch this little girl up on stage so full of dreams, aspiration and cliched wise words to offer her peers. Almost cringe inducing cliched filled speech.

I realized I have become a little jaded or cynical about life, as I nearly busted up laughing out loud as she urged her peers to go out into the "real world" and use all the knowledge they had gained in high school to change the world. I imagine most those kids were thinking MTV's the "Real World" rather than the jobs, bills, and taxes real world we normal people live. But it struck me how full of life high school students are. How full of life I was once too. Now, though I'm still full of life...the realities of it have worn it's shine just a bit. But as I sat there at my high school graduation I remember how invincible I felt, how I could do anything, the possibilities were endless. I was oblivious to the big "real world" that lay outside the little bubble I had known as my universe up until then. All I had done throughout high school seemed so important. I had accomplished it all. I had damn near figured out the meaning of life. Of course, it didn't mean shit. None of it. Well, not in comparison. All I have accomplished in my life since high school, personally and academically, but moreso personally, is far greater than anything I could've dreamt up in high school. So I think back to that little girl on stage Friday night and I wonder how different her views will be in say...five years even.

Sitting here eight years after my high school graduation I know that luck has nothing to do with how you do in the "real world" and that the only way to survive is to change and adapt. But maybe that's just to complex for the high school Class of 2005 to grasp, so I bid them luck out in the real world and I hope they don't ever change. --TCCIC (Take Care Cause I Care.)


 
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