Thinking Out Loud

Sunday, August 28, 2005

now that my head's stop spinning...

I would go through a whole recap of my week, but that would be incredibly boring. I'll spare you the details and simply say that it was a fuckin' week from hell! I had braced myself for the onslaught that is the first week of classes, but nothing would've prepared me. All fuckin' week I felt like I was being pulled in a thousand different directions and it drained me completely. Friday was the only day that I left work a little on time, a quarter after five. I think I had two days with an entire lunch break, usually I just grabbed something while I was running around. I made it to the gym just once and trust me I'm feeling it. When I would get home from work, I was just completely drained, no energy for anything. I just wanted to get home and crash out. All week I was completely stressed out, frustrated in every sense (yes, EVERY sense), and the weekend wouldn't arrive fast enough. Yesterday, I just vegged all damned day and it felt fuckin' fantabulous! Today, however I am back at work for a couple hours. Yes, working on Sunday...what a loser! Anyway, thanks to those of you who checked in on me from time to time and took the time to leave a comment even though you were coming back to the same tired post. In case that ever happens again, you can always read my old stuff...riveting stuff, trust me. My writing has somewhat gone down hill as of late. I'll work on that. Anyway, hope you all are enjoying your weekends, tomorrow back to work. Then of'course there is that three day weekend coming up...hell fuckin' yeah!

Wednesday, August 24, 2005


That's all I got to say.

Friday, August 19, 2005

as today fades away...

Before the sun sets and this day fades away,
There is just one thing I feel I must say,
Simply...that I love you.
- "quiroz" 2005

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

quick breather

Aight everyone, just thought I'd post really quick to let you all know that I'm still alive and kicking. Work of course is still super busy, especially with school set to start Monday. No kidding I've been running around all morning, good thing is that it's almost noon. Hope you're all having a good day. Gotta run...

Sunday, August 14, 2005

hell week

Since I didn't post all week I thought I'd recap a bit...

Monday -

Right from the get go Monday turned out to be a very busy day. My phone must've rang about every 15 minutes all damned day long. Classes will be starting in about a week at the university. Therefore professors are coming back on campus from their summer vacations where apparently they've spent all their time downloading virus' and porn on their computers. By the time I got home I was beat so I took a little nap and ended up going to the gym later that night.

Tuesday -

No difference. More of the same shit. I hate when people think that they are special and should be at the top of your priority list. I support about 120 users, 95 of which are faculty and a few think they should always have priority. I've had to bring a couple of these people down a couple notches already. Calling every 10 minutes to make sure I'm working on their computer issue...fuck that! Wait your turn bitch! Got home hella tired, slept, went to gym.


Fuck, is it Friday yet?! Work...same shit, getting pulled in different directions...deep breathes and pluggin away. Later that night I watched The Dukes of Hazzard. Mindless fun. I needed that mental check out after the week I was having at work.


Same shit...actually the whole week just blurs together now. I ordered DSL for home. Figured it was time to come up from dial-up. I'm now excitedly awaiting the 18th, my activation date. Later that night I got a call from my mom. Apparently my brother, who's living in Georgia and has recently wound up behind bars again, needs $500 to post bail. He gave my mom this song and dance, which sounds all too fishy to me, but I know it would make her feel better so what the fuck. It's not that I don't want to help out my brother. It's just that I know him, he's a pathological liar and I don't buy his story for a second. But I'm not going to refuse to help out, I'm glad that I'm able to now. I had hoped that he moving away from old crowds would mean him keeping out of trouble, but that hasn't been the case. The fucker is 30 years old now for fuck sake, you'd think he'd get his shit together. NO...instead he calls my folks once a month and it's usually only to aggravate my mother.

So Thursday night I'm talking to my mom about getting the money to him and she starts asking me how I'm doing, if I'm eating right. Suddenly she starts crying and I'm like what the fuck? She tells me that she just feels useless having my brother all the way over in Georgia, and me all the way over here (granted I'm only an hour from home). My mom suffers from depression, she has ever since I could remember. This little incident on the phone has led me to believe that she hasn't been taking her meds and I need to have a little chat with her. For some reason this really got to me. I don't know how many of you have ever known anyone dealing with depression, but there's a sense of helplessness. No matter how hard I try there is nothing I can do to make her feel better. When she has these little episodes it's like we have to walk on egg shells to not upset her and sometimes she takes advantage of that. There are many talks my mother and I haven't had, because of my fear of worsening her situation and I guess in some sense that angers me. Then I feel guilty for being angry at's just that sometimes I wish she was a stronger person mentally, emotionally. Damn I hate being a momma's boy. In any case this conversation with my mom really upset me...afterward I was crying like a little bitch and I never cry. I guess it was a culmination of this and other family drama going on that I have no control over and that I had been trying to keep out of my mind. I guess suddenly I just felt overwhelmed and helpless being away from home. It was just one of those times you know you just need someone to be there for ya. Okay, enough of that I'm getting upset again, but I just had to get that out.


Work wasn't too busy as far as getting too many phone calls, so I had the chance to get to a few projects I had put off till I got caught up with all the work requests. I couldn't believe Friday had come so soon, but I was glad it had. I had dinner with a couple friends at some Mexican restaurant I will not be visting any time soon. The service sucked a fat one and the food wasn't all that great. Our server was this very butch woman who at first glance I thought was a man. Were it not for the unsuccessfully concealed breasts I would've thought it was a man. Hell even her voice was very was odd. Afterward, we hit the theatre and watched Four Brothers. It was pretty good. The characters' interaction was hilarious and there was plenty action throughout.

Well, that was my week in a nut shell. I would elaborate more, but really there isn't much more to it and it's 1:45 am as I'm sitting here typing this. I apologize for those of you who came back here often throughout the week only to find I hadn't posted. I'll try to be better at that.

Monday, August 08, 2005

just another f'd up monday...

I knew I was dreading this day for a reason. My weekend hardly seemed long enough and now I am at work where my phone hasn't stopped ringing since I got here and my student assistant is on vacation the whole week, so I'm here fielding all these calls by myself. Oh, there goes my phone again...son of a f'in c$%K sucking whore!

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

why ask why?

Recently over drinks and a little buzz I was talking to a friend about blogging. She was curious as to what was so appealing. What do you get from it? I don't care what's going on in people's lives that I don't even know. Like, I don't care what goes on during your day. If I don't know you, why should I care? Interesting... Why should I care? Why do I care? She's certainly not my only non blogging friend who doesn't get it. I don't know what the appeal is for me. I just enjoy it. I enjoy posting as well as reading except lately I've been doing more of the latter.

I began blogging as a way to vent my frustrations, anger, thoughts, kill some time productively (right, ha!). I never thought it would be a vehicle to meeting new people. That part of it has been a welcomed surprise and not many people outside of blogger get that. Why would anyone want to keep tabs on someone they've never met and probably will never meet? With the exception of maybe a couple of my readers I've never met any of you personally. Yet, every morning I make my rounds through my numerous regular reads, which by the way seems to increase every week. I'm just intruiged by people. Some blogs grab my attention, because the author is like me. Others blogs grab my attention, because the author is sooo different than me. I don't know how many of you have ever had the time to sit and people watch. I wonder where people are heading, where they're rushing off too, or where they're dreading returning to. Well, reading strangers' blogs fills some of that curiousity. You get a glimpse into people's lives that you wouldn't otherwise. In doing so you find that you have a lot more in common with these strangers you see out and about than you think. But of course you'd have to initially have that curiousity, othewise you'll be like my friend and honestly not give a damn. I'm not saying that's a bad thing. Some people just don't have the time to get to know a complete stranger, especially when there's reading involved. I've just always been a curious person and I don't mind the reads. I guess you just have to be "special". Either that or a dork. I've got both those bases covered.

Monday, August 01, 2005

"it okay now"

I was just at a user's office working on a printing issue. I walked over, it's hot out, I HATE the heat, so I was a little heated when I got to his office. I was fuckin' with his printer settings as he loomed over my shoulder. Once success was mine and his printer started looking lively again he let out an unexpected giggle. He was a little man, I think he might've been Korean and he had a heavy accent. He was standing behind me, I imagined him holding a hand to his mouth as he giggled like a little school girl. I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing outloud. Once I was done and announced it was all ready to go he asked, "it okay now?". Without thinking, what came out of my mouth was, "it okay now." I didn't do it to be condescending, it's just the first thing that came out. Right after I said it I hoped no one had heard, 'cause I realized how that could've sounded like I was making fun. But I wasn't, honest...I wasn't.

"i can't live without my welfare check!"

I watched Million Dollar Baby this weekend. Well sort of. The movie was playing while a houseful of children screamed and cried and my sister kept on giving away parts of the movie.

sister: "Oh,, trip out on this part."
me: Shut up and let me watch the movie. Biting my tongue.
sister:"Oh, watch this is funny what she tells him."
me: OMG, I thought my nieces and nephews were bad, SHUT UP!

I was back at my folks' for the weekend. Needless to say, I caught snipits of the fuckin' movie. Fuck, I'm gonna have to rent it and watch it at home. One of my biggest pet peeves is having people talk during a movie. It's especially annoying if someone has already watched it and they are telling me about it as I'm watching it. I feel like just shutting the movie off and having them tell me the whole story.

Anyway, the title of this post - a line from the movie, has just been in my head all day and it makes me chuckle.

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